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What? Come on!

laters

There are several musicians who though i love their music I am unable to look at. For example Ben Folds, if you look too sincere while you are singing it makes me feel sick. While i'm on that subject the dud that sang brown eyed girl on four in a bed last night - you made it weird at the end and it made me want to punch you. If you are going to insist on singing - at least sing the song as it is meant to be heard.

Ah yes and lastly, Peter - if I feel that it is appropriate to spend £21.60 on touche eclat I will. it is my right as a non-smoker and non-drinker (GAH) to spend the funds on fun things like make up. I know he doesn't even really care. Its just the hormones making me mad that and its so fricking cold in this house i have to keep typing to stay warm......... I'm going to sit upstairs now and cover my face in touche eclat. maybe i'll buy another one tomorrow.

Later

i am absolutely furious. i have no way of expressing this fury to anyone else as what i know is a secret. the individual in question deserves no anonymity. selfish, scheming individual that it is. is there truly any reason why? gah! blended with this anger that threatens to give me an ulcer is feeling of much excitement for the future. if only i didn't have to experience the two extremes at one time. my brain is all over the place.

we continue to be so proud of the boys for their excitement about school. they are doing so well, Oscar even got a sticker yesterday for his excellent drawing. they look amazing in their new uniforms. i know its customary at this point to say something like 'it only seems like yesterday they were........' but it doesn't. the last 4 years have been hard toil and i think save for a few members of MY family and a very few friends we have done it all by ourselves. Upon reflection, lots of the events that stand out from the last 4 years are bad - dead people, losing jobs, unemployment, general loss, have been pretty shit. I'm not going to say the boys always made it better but generally they took my mind off the shit. I think children have this boundless energy not because they need to learn everything but so that they can exhaust their parents/carers to the point that they can no longer think about anything else but them. which brings me to my final point - what the fuck am i going to do now?

THE RAGE!!!
it came from no where stayed for a few minutes then left me again. its the exhaustion. I think trying to work, maintain a house and bring up my darling boys is a little much today. It really isn't like this every day. only the other night i sat in my garden thinking how very lucky i was, actually i think i was on the loo...either way it was a a nice moment to know that my boys are lovely and happy my husband has a great job and is happy in it for the first time ever and that we are really really happy all together. That's why it comes as such a shock, when i have these moments of pure unadulterated rage. The moment in question was....about half an hour ago, whilst trying to clean the bathroom and at that particular moment the floor Oscar arrived having waited to long to go for a wee and promptly weed on the floor right in front of me. it wasn't his fault poor thing and yes i did get a bit cross, but the main target of my rage was poor old peter. i can only assume that at that moment he was quietly working away on his computer at work when out of nowhere he received my text informing him that while i work hard maintaining our home and meeting all of our darlings demands i do not appreciate picking up his wet fucking towels from the floor. it wasn't big or clever but really and truly i felt so much better afterwards. so much so that when he text me to apologise i not only accepted it but also apologised to him for freaking out. so thats it. the rage i'm sure will rear it ugly head soon but for now this weeks rage is done.
laters

we are moving!!!! only a week. must remember in future not to be stubborn, really should have gone for the place when we saw it at the beginning of our search. BYNES ROAD - THE EAGERS-BEE's ARE BACK!!!

i have had enough of our fruitless search. i dont want to look at or for houses anymore. the disappointment is too much for my fragile character. imagine this.....we find the perfect place 3 beds lovely sitting/dining room and there was even a larder with proper stone floor. so we take it and wait for confirmation from letting agents....what happens next is indicative of how terrible trying to find a house in may can be......the landlord now doesn't want to move for 6 months and is withdrawing his property from the market. i mean, if you aren't sure dont fuckin put it on there in the first place. his arrangement issues are not my concern, my need for a big house with a kitchen in which i can prepare my own food really is very important to me. so what do i do, continue with this pointless searching or retreat into oh yeah someone elses house. gah. i give up i really do this time. i dont even want to live in a house anymore the boys are i are moving to aruba where i assume we will never have these issues.
laters.

The hunt continues.

despite having my darling children at home i am still supposed to be house hunting. it is impossible to be a good caring mother and stay on the hunt all day, and it seems that even if i take my eyes off the ball for one day i miss out on places that would have been perfect. the whole thing just get suckier by the day.i know we will find something but its the when i'm wondering about.

So after alighting the bus (having viewed another completely pointless house) poor jacky was sad at having lost his bus ticket. having given him a cuddle and told him we would get another one soon, he then turned to his brother and told him "oscar, i've lost my ticket" oscar stared at jack open mouthed then burst into delighted laughter. they are 3 and a half. evil, maybe, clever....definitely.

the trials and tribulations of finding a new house -

things i did not expect third time round, the disappointment of idiots taking places before we get a chance, going into house adverised as three bedrooms when actually the third bedroom is the sittingroom. lastly and probably the most disturbing i did not expect to find a poo left in the toliet presumably from a previous tenant unless there is a phantom pooper trudging round south croydon. in short if you are planning on viewing either 90 (something) st peter's street or 130 selsdon road just dont bother. i promise if you ever have any intention of breathing within the confines of your own home keep looking.