i am absolutely furious. i have no way of expressing this fury to anyone else as what i know is a secret. the individual in question deserves no anonymity. selfish, scheming individual that it is. is there truly any reason why? gah! blended with this anger that threatens to give me an ulcer is feeling of much excitement for the future. if only i didn't have to experience the two extremes at one time. my brain is all over the place.

we continue to be so proud of the boys for their excitement about school. they are doing so well, Oscar even got a sticker yesterday for his excellent drawing. they look amazing in their new uniforms. i know its customary at this point to say something like 'it only seems like yesterday they were........' but it doesn't. the last 4 years have been hard toil and i think save for a few members of MY family and a very few friends we have done it all by ourselves. Upon reflection, lots of the events that stand out from the last 4 years are bad - dead people, losing jobs, unemployment, general loss, have been pretty shit. I'm not going to say the boys always made it better but generally they took my mind off the shit. I think children have this boundless energy not because they need to learn everything but so that they can exhaust their parents/carers to the point that they can no longer think about anything else but them. which brings me to my final point - what the fuck am i going to do now?