i'm with me women. i love you man. even if you do stop me from poopin.

our house is broken. it sucks, i've lost the will to be amusing. i'll tell you the story of woe you'll probably find it funny. you sadistic bastards.

picture this, i have settled my darling (evil) sons into bed for their morning nap. i am washed and dressed and have had a ciggie, everything is going swimmingly. I settled myself down on the sofa to read my book for a while as the in-laws were coming over and i needed a bit of 'me time' to set me off for the day. i hear a creek and a smash. everything sort of danger runs through my head as i race up the stair yelling mummy is coming, i walk into my babies room and see that a load of fucking plaster had fallen off the celling onto not only various bits of furniture but also into my baby Jack's cot. wrenching him out of the bed into my arms i symultaniously check him for injuries whilst comforting both crying babies. i want to kill everything and anything. however i decide that the most important thing to do is clean. so i wobble downstairs and grab the hoover and i clean until i am calm.

nothing about this post is funny but i really dont give a fuck.

i haven't cleaned my teeth yet.

laters

one potato, two potato....

ok this morning i was greeted by my darling boys at 7.30 a whole 20 mins later than usual as the LOML has a new job meaning i get a little more sleep. what a genius he is. so day started pretty good, right...wrong. after going through the normal routine of the boys following me into the toliet when i am half awake i did the business however when i reached for the toilet roll O decided he wanted some too so i gave him some, then to my astonishment when i wiped he attempted to do the same. i told him in a firm yet gravely morning voice that mummy doesn't need help wiping her bumbum, to which he said oh sowee. what strange children i have.

my rant today is dedicated to people who stop right in front of my fucking buggy. i tell you now, i will mow you down. young, old, sick, hot i WILL run you down like the vermin you are. i own the pavement , lets make no mistake about it. i might take this view to the car when i start my lessons in sept, i think it'll only lead to good things. i DONT want to hear different.

lastly. i really want to eat a divine meal that i dont have to cook. any offers? send them on a plate i dont have time to come and see you.

kiss it.

Its been a while since i last told you about my daily gripes. everyones been dying though man and then i had stuff to do. you know how it is. anyway, i thought it was about time i told you how the land is lying.
im fine, the ants have gone, at freaking last. the boys have turned into to tiny balls of rage, sometimes raging rage, they are still heaven though. they had their 2nd birthday on monday. the weekend was spent entertaining at various birthday parties. it was fun in a way that makes you want to rip your head off and allow someone to pee into the gaping hole.

gah. now kate is talking to me about going to glasters and i cant concentrate anymore. i'll write more laters.

peace out.

to my darling friend rick. you are missed everyday. you were the best sparring partner a girl could ask for. i miss your crazy insults and our tea and cake afternoons.

all of my love.

They are driving me insane. Get out you tiny dwellers of the underground. Leave me alone. Dont gang up and try and get me when i'm going for a wee.

You're so beautiful, it hurts to look at you.

I imagine someone would have said this to me back in the day.

The best i get now is, she's not bad for a muv. Do i care? NEVER.

All that matters is that someone thought it once and i am much better looking than lots of people i know, some of them are even related to me. Pretty can be created, beautiful is.......something you will never be. LOSER

x

I'm bored of my henna now. it looks like i've gone all rusty. i hate everything.

in other news, the boys keep eating all my food which i think will eventually lead to me losing some weight. woop

what

I hate being made to do things i dont want to. yesterday was painful but i did it for the greater good. there was no other way and someday you will all understand that.

in other news oscar is drawing on my polling card and my face. he didn't tell me that the london mayor elections meant so much to him

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. that was jack. i have no idea what his beef is.

it hurts................

Maybe if i told them i'm about to top myself they will talk to me.........

NOPE

Could you be the beautiful badass in the world

MY HAIR IS MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS

you make me sad and you seem to like it. i hope that you understand that by tearing down other people to make yourself feel better all everyone will ever see when they look at you is how ugly you really are on the inside. i never professed to be a genius or the a super model or anything so outrageous. one thing i have always known is that i love my family and it doesn't matter what i do or think, they will always, ALWAYS love me back. you should consider what that really means. what that feeling is like. you can blame all the people you want for the way you feel but essentially the reason that people don't feel the same about you is because you are cruel. you have no compassion, no understanding of the impact of the things you say. that is why we don't like you. i have tried, god knows i have tried to give you a chance and put myself in the firing line most of the time because of it. but why when you continue to make me feel inadequate. the thing is i'm not a confused ugly teenager anymore, i'm a beautiful, confident, contented mother. i wont be brought down by you anymore. good luck in finding some other mug that will listen to you go on for hours on end.

Chinese Water Torture For Parents

I Wish He Would Die!!!!!!!!!!!

to peter

this post is dedicated to my beautiful, caring, sex crazed fiance. thank you for always saying the right thing and making me feel better when people are mean. you make all the bad times seem better (except when you've been bad, then you just annoy me). thank you for never judging me and for loving me just as i am.

and kids dont pretend this post makes you want to hurl, jealousy is an ugly, ugly trait.

we are going to see the Delays in may woo

thats all

apparently i look like this

every single day it sucks to be me. for future reference people if you cant quite tell if a person is pregnant, dont mention pregnancy until it has been confirmed that they are actually with child. otherwise you make them want to cut off their weightage just so they are socially acceptable.

I'm hot don't forget it!!!!!!!!!!

What a Special Lady

You live your life in the songs you hear

On the rock and roll radio

And when a young girl doesn't have any friends

That's a really nice place to go

Folks hoping you'd turn out cool

But they had to take you outta school

You're a little touched you know, Hanzy Baby

Lovers appear in your room each night

And they whirl you across the floor

But they always seem to fade away

When your daddy taps on your door

Hanzy girl, are you all right

Tell the radio good-night

All alone once more, Hanzy Baby

Hanzy Baby, you're a special lady

Living in a world of make-believe

Well, maybe

Stopping at her house is a neighbor boy

With evil on his mind'

Cause he's been peeking in Hanzy's room

At night through her window blind

I see your folks have gone away

Would you dance with me today

I'll show you how to have a good time, Hanzy Baby

When he walks in her room,

He feels confused like he's walked into a play

And the music's so loud it spins him around'Til his soul has lost its way

And as she turns the volume down

He's getting smaller with the sound

It seems to pull him off the ground

Toward the radio he's bound never to be found

The headlines read that a boy disappeared

and everyone thinks he died

'Cept a crazy girl with a secret lover

Who keeps her satisfied

It's so nice to be insane

No one asks you to explain

Radio by your side, Hanzy Baby

Hanzy Baby, you're a special lady

Living in a world of make-believe

Well, maybeWell, maybe

The Warm Waters Of Retribution

We is going to get you back with our hotness. Its a killer combination.

Not something you want to mess with. You ass showing whore.

Revenge Is SWEET

You might not be naked but it certainly isn't good.

I miss chasing this guy with a pink umbrella. check out the totals behind him. i rule. everyone else sucks the big one.

I miss my husband

Icant explain in. i don't want to. I love him and there is nothing anyone can do about it. And before you ask, yes i would do him.

This is what having children does to you

BEFOREAFTER
This sucks the big one.

At least i'd plucked my eyebrows

My brain has been defeated by food.

CRAP

OF 'we are just about to throw our lunch all over the floor' FAME

Cute though aren't they.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved

This post is in honour of all the people that piss me off all the time. Some maybe the result of longstanding hatred (i.e. MOST of Peter's friends) but some are just innocent bystanders who just bust my balls everyday.

A note for those who have not yet felt my wrath. Don't irritate me or anyone I care for. There is no point, if you are mean to me other people tend to take it personally. Its not that I can't take care of myself, I'd even go as far as saying I am always up for a scuffle. Its just that I don't feel the need to anymore. There is always someone bigger to intervene, all the time I don't have to get my paws dirty, its all good.

Now, my final thought on the matter at hand. Anyone that has a problem with the fact that Peter has grown up and doesn't give a shit about you anymore, stand up. My close friend will now be giving you a good old fashioned beating while I standby and mentally swim in the dark waters of retribution!!!!

Fuck off you immature fucks. fuck. fuck. fuck.

Sorry about the last bit i cant say that word anymore, those in the know will understand.

The Wanton Wenches Of Warham Road

They never reply to me.

Every so often i'll do a post and i know its interesting because even i want to re-read it. little bit of drama, a touch of humour etc. but still they shun me.

what is the point. even a message board has cliques. I am sick of the social implaictions of being a mother. i.e. be like everyone else or we will forever forget who and what you are.

Other mothers suck the big one. apart from my love in gillingham.

I like staying at home with my imaginary friends, i call them, vodka, gin and potato

Love of my life, you hurt me,

You broken my heart, now you leave me.

Love of my life cant you see,

Bring it back bring it back,Dont take it away from me,Because you dont know what it means to me.

Love of my life dont leave me,

Youve stolen my love now desert me,

Love of my life cant you see,

Bring it back bring it back,Dont take it away from me,Because you dont know what it means to me.

You will remember when this is blown over,And everythings all by the way,

When I grow older,I will be there by your side,To remind how I still love youI still love you.

Hurry back hurry back,Dont take it away from me,

Because you dont know what it means to me.

Love of my life,Love of my life.

Why do I crave you so bad that I would walk for hours in the wind and rain just to find you. Then once i finally get home i will wait a further hour until you are cooked to perfection.

There are no words for the feelings I have at the first taste of you.

This isn't just a baked potato.........its a sexy baked potato

POST 1, COMPLETED!!!