i'm with me women. i love you man. even if you do stop me from poopin.

our house is broken. it sucks, i've lost the will to be amusing. i'll tell you the story of woe you'll probably find it funny. you sadistic bastards.

picture this, i have settled my darling (evil) sons into bed for their morning nap. i am washed and dressed and have had a ciggie, everything is going swimmingly. I settled myself down on the sofa to read my book for a while as the in-laws were coming over and i needed a bit of 'me time' to set me off for the day. i hear a creek and a smash. everything sort of danger runs through my head as i race up the stair yelling mummy is coming, i walk into my babies room and see that a load of fucking plaster had fallen off the celling onto not only various bits of furniture but also into my baby Jack's cot. wrenching him out of the bed into my arms i symultaniously check him for injuries whilst comforting both crying babies. i want to kill everything and anything. however i decide that the most important thing to do is clean. so i wobble downstairs and grab the hoover and i clean until i am calm.

nothing about this post is funny but i really dont give a fuck.

i haven't cleaned my teeth yet.

laters

one potato, two potato....

ok this morning i was greeted by my darling boys at 7.30 a whole 20 mins later than usual as the LOML has a new job meaning i get a little more sleep. what a genius he is. so day started pretty good, right...wrong. after going through the normal routine of the boys following me into the toliet when i am half awake i did the business however when i reached for the toilet roll O decided he wanted some too so i gave him some, then to my astonishment when i wiped he attempted to do the same. i told him in a firm yet gravely morning voice that mummy doesn't need help wiping her bumbum, to which he said oh sowee. what strange children i have.

my rant today is dedicated to people who stop right in front of my fucking buggy. i tell you now, i will mow you down. young, old, sick, hot i WILL run you down like the vermin you are. i own the pavement , lets make no mistake about it. i might take this view to the car when i start my lessons in sept, i think it'll only lead to good things. i DONT want to hear different.

lastly. i really want to eat a divine meal that i dont have to cook. any offers? send them on a plate i dont have time to come and see you.

kiss it.

Its been a while since i last told you about my daily gripes. everyones been dying though man and then i had stuff to do. you know how it is. anyway, i thought it was about time i told you how the land is lying.
im fine, the ants have gone, at freaking last. the boys have turned into to tiny balls of rage, sometimes raging rage, they are still heaven though. they had their 2nd birthday on monday. the weekend was spent entertaining at various birthday parties. it was fun in a way that makes you want to rip your head off and allow someone to pee into the gaping hole.

gah. now kate is talking to me about going to glasters and i cant concentrate anymore. i'll write more laters.

peace out.

to my darling friend rick. you are missed everyday. you were the best sparring partner a girl could ask for. i miss your crazy insults and our tea and cake afternoons.

all of my love.